


and heaven can wait; but you ought to be a saint

by princess_of_the_darkness



Series: don't let me go, just say it's so [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Ben Solo, Bisexual Rey (Star Wars), Cheesy, Coming Out, Elton John Music, F/M, Fluff, Gentleness, Internalized Biphobia, Kissing, One Shot, Rated Mature for some swearing, Softness, a sprinkle of angst, discussion of UTIs, exclusively 80s Elton John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:21:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24670738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_of_the_darkness/pseuds/princess_of_the_darkness
Summary: It’s casual, what they’re doing at the moment; hanging out at each other’s apartment from time to time. Mostly for sex reasons, but honestly, he just wants to spend as much time with her as he possibly can.OrBen and Rey have their first real date. Sort of.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: don't let me go, just say it's so [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783765
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	and heaven can wait; but you ought to be a saint

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Elton John’s [Saint](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEuntPp3fxU). 
> 
> ~~See what I did there? The first part is from Rey’s perspective and full of Ben’s music, and now we have Ben’s perspective and her music !! wowie I am so smart~~
> 
> **Remember to drink plenty of water and stay hydrated !!**

The first clue should have been when she didn’t answer the phone. It’s not like he hasn’t shown up unannounced to her apartment before, but today is special. It’s _date night_ , their first ever at that. 

And so, Ben had called her around noon, twice even, just to make sure they were still on for tonight, but Rey hadn’t picked up. That hadn’t been all that strange though, he had assumed she was just busy and moved on. 

After all, Saturdays tend to be the days when she does work on her dissertation. Ad that would make sense, she’s been telling him all about wanting to incorporate some new novel she’d just discovered. Ben has been meaning to look it up, honestly, but he thinks he’ll probably just end up stealing it from her bookshelf and reading it at her place anyway. He likes to do that sometimes, read one of her books after they’ve slept together and it’s nice, really. There’s just something about using her things that makes his stomach flutter. It feels like they’re connected, part of the same thing somehow. Like when she wears one of his shirts and there’s a primal, and frankly a little unsettling, feeling of _mine_. 

It’s casual, what they’re doing at the moment, hanging out at each other’s apartment from time to time. Mostly for sex reasons, but honestly, he just wants to spend as much time with her as he possibly can. Even if it’s only sitting at her kitchen table and watching her work on an updated syllabus in the soft morning sun. He’s downright yearning for anything even remotely domestic, it all feels so right with her. Like it could actually maybe _work_. Like she won’t run away from him if he lets her inside his mind.

It had been Rey’s idea do have an actual proper date for a change and Ben hadn’t been able to stop smiling for the whole day after she’d suggested it. It’s nice to know she feels the same way about this, that she wants to give it a shot just as much as he does. That she wants to be with him. Or at least see where this is going. That’s fine too, he decides. He’ll take whatever he can get. 

The plan is to go out for dinner somewhere and maybe watch a movie afterwards. They haven’t really spent any time outside of either of their apartments before and it feels a little heavy. There’s pressure building up in his chest, he wants to make sure he won’t fuck this up, wants her to feel good and warm and comfortable with him. Like he does when she’s around. 

Ben takes a shower and listens to an episode of _Conversations with People Who Hate Me_ while getting dressed. Rey has introduced him to a million new things, and now he’s apparently turned into a podcast guy. It’s not his fault Dylan Marron has the most soothing voice on the planet. But he thinks he would probably give any old thing a chance, if she’s the one to recommend it to him. It’s hard not to fall in love with whatever she’s telling him about when she looks at him with her wide eyes, full of excitement. Her enthusiasm could move mountains, he thinks. She’s just that kind of person, the type you never want to stop listening to. 

When Ben had first seen her give that lecture, it had been like a revelation. It had made him want to improve his own teaching style, try to bring across the same joy that she had done just by explaining the most basic aspects of her research. He can’t help but gravitate towards her, try to stay in her orbit somehow. He can almost feel himself become a bit lighter and less serious by association. She’s the brightest person he’s ever met and he means that in all the possible senses of the word. 

But when Rey opens the door after he climbs up the stairs to her apartment and knocks – a nice lady had let him in downstairs, so he didn’t need to ring the bell – there’s nothing bright about her. Quite the opposite: Rey looks- _bad_. Sick bad. Her hair is hanging down in strands, her eyes are red and watery. She’s wearing sweatpants and a shirt with what looks like food stains. She’s clutching a hot-water bottle in front of her crotch. He’s never seen her looks so exhausted before. Ben thinks, Oh shit.

He wants to open his mouth to say something, ask her if she’s okay, if he can do something. He wants to find out what’s going on with her, how he can help to make it better. But just then she lets out a tired whine that kind of breaks his heart, so he stays quiet. Watches her. 

“Fuck,” she says, her voice wobbly and on the verge of breaking. He just keeps staring. He doesn’t know what to do if he’s being honest. “I’m sorry, I totally forgot about this. I would have texted you and-,” she pushes her hair out of her face. “I don’t know. Just- I’m sorry.” She sighs, heavily. 

Ben shakes his head, “No, don’t be. It’s fine, I can leave.” He searches her face for a reaction that doesn’t come. She looks _so_ tired and all he wants is to hug her. He’s just not sure if it’s what she wants, too. “If you want me to go, that is. I don’t mind just staying in if you’re not feeling well, but if you’d rather be alone, that’s totally fine, too.” 

She shakes her head, but doesn’t say anything. She’s looking at him like she’s not sure he’s really there. “Can you-,” she says after a moment has passed, “can you get something for me? The next supermarket is just down the street to the left, I just _can’t_ go. Please?” 

She bites her lip, looking so small and insecure. There’s no way Ben could say no to her anyway. He is quick to nod and he pulls out his phone to keep track of what she needs. “Just cranberry juice,” she says as he’s opening the notes app. 

“Anything else?” he asks, typing it in. She shakes her head. And with that, he’s on his way. 

The supermarket isn’t as big as his go-to one, but it’s still big and unfamiliar enough that it takes him almost ten minutes to find the soft drinks and juices section. He takes a bottle of peach ice tea for himself in response to a very random craving, but then he’s stumped. There seem to be ten million different brands of cranberry juice and he has no idea what to look for. He’s never had it, doesn’t see the appeal at all. Cranberries are gross enough already, why would you want to drink that shit?

After some deliberation that takes him longer than it should, he goes for a rather pricey organic one. It’s sugar-free and the a little box tells him that the company apparently donates part of the revenue to education projects in developing countries. _Sure_. Rey will probably like that. 

He throws in a pack of gum and some ice cream. He’s something of an impulse buyer, he can’t remember the last time he’s actually stuck to a shopping list. He hopes Rey will be happy. Or happier than before, at least. He’d be lying if he said he’s not worried about her. People being sick make him feel anxious, not matter how serious or non-serious it is. It’s always been that way. 

On the walk back he lays out a plan. He’ll give her the things he’s bought, then ask her what’s going on and if she wants him to stay or not. He’ll propose that they could cook a simple dinner and watch Netflix on her bed as an alternative to their night out. It’s not the most adventurous date and doesn’t feel as significant as going to a restaurant together for the first time would, but he’d be happy to spend any time with her at all.

When he gets back to Rey’s building, he rings the bell and she buzzes him in without using the intercom. She’s waiting for him at her door. Her whole face lights up when she sees him climb up the last step. He doesn’t even want to tell himself that it’s because of the cranberry juice or the ice cream that she’s staring at with a fond little smile. It’s also for him. Because she is happy to see him. He’s overcome with a wave of pleasant warmth that travels up to his face. 

“Thank you,” Rey says and takes the things from his outstretched hand when he reaches her. “I can pay you back right now or later or-” He stops her and says, “No, it’s fine. My pleasure.”

She nods, grateful and sheepish. “Thanks.” She looks over her shoulder into her apartment for a second. “Uh, you can come in if you want. I just really wasn’t prepared for this.” She laughs a shaky little laugh and he follows her inside. 

“Is it-,” he stops himself. He’s not sure how to say this. “Are you- _y,know_?” Not sure at all.

She turns around in the middle of putting the ice cream in the freezer, looking very confused. “What?” she asks. Another laugh. “I don’t think I know what you mean.” 

He sighs. More explicit then. “Are you, like, on your period?” It’s the first time he’s had to bring it up with someone. Usually people just tell him on their own.

Rey stares at his face for a while, then looks down at the hot-water bottle in her hand. “Oh,” she says. “No, I’m not. But I guess I can see why you’d think that.” She shakes her head. “I have a UTI.” 

Oh. Well. Ben doesn’t know what the correct reaction is here. “Sorry?” he offers and she laughs. 

“Yeah, thanks I guess.” She shrugs. “It happens to me from time to time. I have this extra antibacterial soap thing and I know I have to drink a ton of water and tea and pee after sex and keep my crotch warm and comfy and I do all of that, but it still kind of _happens_ to me.” 

He nods, slowly, taking it in. “It burns, right? That’s what it’s like?” he asks, slowly, and watches her open the cranberry juice. She pours herself a glass. 

“Like crazy. And I have to pee all the fucking time.” She winces, then takes a sip. “I honestly don’t know if this even helps,” she says, and points to the glass. “It’s what everybody says, but it’s probably stupid from a scientific perspective. It’s just- you gotta drink a lot of liquids, preferably without sugar and try to flush it out.” 

He’s glad he’d picked the sugar-free juice then. He’s especially glad that there doesn’t seem to be anything serious going on with Rey. Not that an infected bladder is nothing, but he still feels relief. He’s not cut out for dealing with grave illnesses. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” he blurts out, his earlier plan of calm explanation already forgotten and Rey grins. 

“Sure. I’ll just have to make a couple of toilet breaks.” She goes through a few cupboards and says, “We can make pasta later, if we’re hungry?” He nods and she looks thankful. Relieved. “I’m sorry my body kind of ruined our big going out night.” She holds out the hand that isn’t holding the hot-water bottle and he takes it with a smile. She pulls him closer and closer, until he’s right in front of her. He leans down, takes her face in his hands, and kisses her, deep. 

“I don’t mind,” he says against her lips. “I just want to be where you are.” Rey’s face opens up at that, her eyebrows travel higher and higher, like she can’t believe his words. So he kisses her again, to show her how much he means it. 

Kissing her is like taking a breath after holding it for too long. Like waking up and realizing he has no plans for the day and no responsibilities and he can just _enjoy_ it. Like opening a new book and falling in love with the story after the first page. Really, that’s how it is: like falling in love. 

They’re in the process of relocating to her bedroom when Rey interrupts, “Oh shit, I gotta pee.”  
Ben lets her go, reluctantly. He remembers that she said something about drinking tea and thinking about it now, he would also prefer something hot over his ice tea as well. So he turns on the kettle and waits for her to come back. When she sees the two mugs he’s taken from the shelf, she grins at him. 

“How are you such a nice person?” she sighs and if he didn’t know her, he’d say she almost sounds mad. But she leans over to place a quick kiss on his cheek before searching for tea bags on another shelf. “Green? Black? My gross _bladder and kidney_ herbal tea? Pomegranate?” 

Ben thinks she looks adorable, holding up all those tea bags and he snatches one of the green tea ones from her hands, then drops it into one of the mugs. His says _Drink and Enjoy_ with a little heart around the words. Rey’s just has a cheesy face with a nose that protrudes from the ceramic. It’s so ridiculous that he can’t help but laugh while she’s pouring hot water on the tea bags. He must be looking as fond as he feels because Rey’s eyes go wide when she looks up at him. 

Her mouth is back on his in a matter of seconds and she pushes and pushes until his back hits the wall with a quiet thud. “I have fifteen minutes until my tea is ready,” she whispers. “And I intend to spend every second like this.” Ben can’t say he has any objections.

“What do you want to watch?” he asks, later, when they’re cuddling on Rey’s bed. They had settled on making penne with a very unfancy tomato sauce, just to get something inside their stomachs. He’s glad he’d bought the ice cream because Rey apparently loves it. She says it’s her second favorite flavor from that particular brand and that sounds like high praise to his ears. (It had tasted like… _ice cream_ to him.) Honestly, Ben would have liked any kind of meal that he can share with Rey, but all in all, this one had definitely been very nice. Domestic. Rey has finished the cranberry juice carton and she hasn’t had to run to the bathroom in almost and hour, so. Success, he thinks. 

Now that they’ve gotten comfortable on her bed, she has a blanket wrapped around her legs and her head is lying in his lap. He can’t stop his fingers from running through her hair, it’s so soft and _hers_. She presses into the touch from time to time, so he ends up giving her a scalp massage. Ben’s heart feels warm. 

Without getting up, Rey reaches for her laptop at the other end of the bed. “Actually, I was just about to put on _Now You See Me 2_ ,” she says, opening it up and typing in her password. Her desktop background is a picture of a cute dog that Ben had sent her weeks ago. It’s so stupidly endearing that she would want to look at it every day. He tries not to tell himself that it’s because it makes her think of him. But he still smiles, knowing she can’t see him right now. 

“Really?” He snorts, a beat too late to be a genuine reaction. “That was your Saturday night entertainment?” He grins at her when she looks up. Then he moves his fingers to stroke her cheek. She shrugs and opens Netflix. 

“Don’t judge me,” she mumbles. “I used to have the biggest crush on Lizzy Caplan back in her _Mean Girls_ days.” She hesitates for a second. “And I guess still today. I mean just look at her. She’s _perfect_.” 

“She looks okay,” Ben says, as nonchalant as he can. Rey hits him on the chest while the movie is loading. 

“How can you say that, dude? _Okay_?” He’s not sure if she’s joking or actually a little offended. It’s something she could have a very passionate opinion on, he thinks. 

“I was going to say she has nothing on you,” he whispers and drops a kiss on her head. She tries to look annoyed, but grins anyway. He loves how easy it is to be funny around her. 

“Why am I even surprised?” She laughs. “You’re so stupid.” 

She sits up and tangles her hand in his hair. Then she kisses him, deep and open. Ben feels every time like it’s the first kiss all over again. There’s no way he could ever grow tired of kissing her. The though gives him an idea. “Wanna just make out and not watch the movie?” he asks, pulling her off of him a little, and giving her his best attempt at a cheeky smile. 

Rey nods, her cheeks flushed and eyes glazed. She’s not laughing anymore, she looks hungry now. Sometimes it hurts to look at her when they’re like this. He can’t believe he’s allowed to. Rey turns the volume down and pushes her laptop to the side again. Then she turns to him, angles her body so they fit together more comfortably. 

His hand sneaks underneath the blankets, he tries to get to her lower back, but Rey stops him with a sigh. “We can’t do anything, you know,” she says, her tone apologetic.

He nods. “Just want to feel your skin.” He bites down on her lower lip with a grin and shoves his hand underneath her shirt. He doesn’t care that he can’t bring her off or anything. She’s so warm, so soft, so lovely. Stroking her back heightens the pleasure, somehow. Touching her makes him feel on fire. 

Rey has just started to leave wet, messy kisses on his jaw while he’s slowly moving his hands  
towards her breasts, when she suddenly stops. Pulls her head back and looks at him, frowning. He lets his hand drop, then strokes her hair out of her face and waits for her to say something. 

She takes a deep breath and blurts out “I wasn’t joking, by the way.” She starts chewing on her lip, nervously plays with her hands. It’s the most anxious he’s ever seen her look. “I _was_ really into Lizzy Caplan. I don’t think I knew at the time, but uh...” She goes through the motion of pushing her hair behind her ears even though there aren’t any strands hanging into her face anymore. “What I’m saying is I’m bi. Just so you know.” She looks down at her hands, then back up at him. 

“Oh,” is all he manages to say. He stares at her, dumbly. He can even feel his mouth go slack. Rey’s face falls. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to be a dick about this.” Her voice is hard and her mouth draws into a straight line. “ _Please_.” She looks annoyed, pissed off even. “I swear to god, if you say something douchey, right now-” 

He shakes his head. “No,” he says. His mind is still processing. This is not what he expected, never in a million years. He’s imagined this, finally telling someone, but not like this. Not in the middle of making out with the woman he’s head over heels with. “It’s just-” He runs his hand through his own hair and scratches at his cheek. Just so he has something to do other than freak out. This is it then. “I’ve never told anyone, but me too.” He swallows, his tongue feels like lead inside his mouth. “I’m bi as well.” 

Immediately, her face softens. Her eyebrows shoot up, almost comically so. Her eyes search his face. He feels ready to cry. That’s bad, the thinks. They haven’t cried in front of each other yet. But it does feel appropriate for the situation. 

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry.” She takes his hand and laces their fingers together. “I feel a bit shit, like I pressured you into saying that.” He shakes his head and she shrugs. “Thank you for telling me, though.” She nods, more to herself. Then she kisses him, softly, before shutting her laptop. “Do you want to talk about it a little?” 

He nods, his eyes hazy and unfocused. This went better than he’d thought. The first step is done.  
“I don’t even know where to start,” he admits, voice hoarse and unsure. Rey scoots away so they can look at each other better. He already misses her warmth, but this way he can concentrate. It’s hard to think about anything other than her when she’s close to him. 

“When did you know?” she asks, quiet and careful.

He thinks about it for a while. “Always, pretty much. When I was a kid, I was only really into girls, so I didn’t _notice_ , but I think I was always drawn to the boys around me in a more than platonic way. And then in high school I-” He stops, doesn’t know how to put it in words. “You could say I had a boyfriend. I guess. We didn’t call it that,” he laughs and shakes his head. “He was my first kiss, my first everything, really.” 

Rey nods, slowly. Her eyes seem to tell him to go on, so he does. “I was really in love with him. Completely crazy about the guy. And I think he loved me, too? In his way at least.” 

“What happened?” Rey whispers, and he shrugs. 

“He moved away before senior year. I tried to keep in touch, but I think we both just- it didn’t feel real. We were experimenting, you know?” She nods and tightens her grip on his hand. He’s barely noticing the way she’s been stroking his skin with her thumb. Ben feels hot, uncomfortable in his skin. He decides to let go of Rey and grab one of the hair ties lying on her bedside table. He puts his hair up in a ponytail and straightens his back. Already feels better without the curtain on his cheeks and neck. 

Rey smiles. She’s always telling him that she likes that look. He thinks it makes him look more like a hipster than he does anyway. Maybe she’s got a kink for that. He should start wearing suspenders around her and see how she reacts. 

“What was his name?”. Rey reaches out to move a lost strand behind his ear. Her hand lingers on his cheek a little and he can’t help but smile into it. It’s so cheesy, but so soft. She’s so gentle. 

“Armie,” he says. 

Rey looks like she’s trying not to laugh. “I’m sorry,” she says with a tiny little grin. “But that’s a stupid name.”

He nods, after staring at her for a second. “He was kind of a stupid boy, honestly.” Then he grins back at her and all the tension leaves his body. She leans forward and bumps her head into his shoulder. He laughs, surprised and amused. 

“God I hate boys,” she mumbles into his shirt. “They’re _all_ stupid.” 

Ben can’t believe how much he likes this ridiculous woman. “All of them?” he says and she starts to nod, vehemently, rubbing her forward along his arm. “You sure?” 

She pulls back and looks at him. Her cheeks are red, her brows drawn together. “No,” she says, more serious than he expected. “There’s this one guy I like way too much.” It feels like a confession, like she’s letting him in on a well-kept secret and he’s so, so thankful. 

“I’m sure he likes you back. Way too much. More than he thought he could.” Then he nudges her cheek with his nose and kisses her. It’s so easy to tell her, she makes everything so easy. He’s never felt this light, nobody has taken the weight of the world off of his shoulders before. He feels like he’s properly breathing for the first time. 

But this is not the time for kissing, he realizes. They’re having a moment here and he wants to give her all the space he can. So he pulls back again and looks at her some more. He’ll never grow tired of that either. “What about you?” he asks after a couple of seconds. “If you want to share, that is.” 

She nods. Swallows and looks down at her hands. Up at him again. “I’ve never- I haven’t been with a woman. Not really. I mean,” she laughs, “I’ve kissed friends of mine and shit, but never someone I was really into. I’ve had a million crushes, but- It’s just never worked out.” She looks kind of lost and he doesn’t like it. He never wants her to feel lost. 

“That’s okay,” he says, serious, shakes his head for emphasis. “Sometimes it doesn’t work out like that.” 

She smiles, grateful, but a little sad. “I know.” She looks up at the ceiling, like she’s asking for strength or answers. Maybe both. “I guess I just feel like a liar sometimes. Like I’m just pretending to be bi for cool points or whatever. That it’s not real.” 

Ben nods, tries to understand. He’s never felt that way, it’s always been clear to him. He’s always liked boys and girls. He just never knew how to tell people about it. But Rey, she looks so full of doubt and worry and he doesn’t know how to take that from her. He probably can’t. 

“You know how you feel,” he decides to say. “If it’s real to you, then it’s real.” 

Her eyes fill up and she sniffles, twice. “I know I’m just being stupid. Sorry.” She wipes a hand over her mouth. “I have this tendency to make everything about myself sometimes. But thanks for listening.” Her smile feels forced and fake. 

“You’re not being stupid, though,” Ben says and takes her hand again. “I want to hear about how you feel. I want to hear everything you want to tell me, Rey.” He’s mostly trying to make her feel better, but it feels like he’s laying his heart out in front of her at the same time. Her face says as much, too. 

“How are you literally the sweetest person I know?” she whines and rubs at her eyes with her free hand. “I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve you.” 

He laughs and shakes his head. “I’m actually an asshole,” he corrects her. “But you just kind of bring out the best in me.” 

She drops a kiss on top of his nose. “I think we need to work on your self-image. I can’t have my boyfriend saying shit like that.” And oh- 

That’s- 

_Boyfriend._

Rey realizes what she’s said a second after Ben does and her face contorts into a weird mixture of embarrassment, worry and hope. 

“Oh, so I’m your boyfriend now?” he asks, just to tease her a little bit. 

“If you want?” She winces. “Okay, that sounds stupid. I didn’t want to assume, you know. But this feels very relationship-ish to me. And I’d really like it to be that.”

He nods. Then, because he knows it will make her smile like crazy, he raises his hand that’s still holding hers and drops a kiss on the back of her hand. She doesn’t disappoint. “I would like that very much,” he says into her skin. He’s really playing up the kitsch, but it feels so natural with her. He can’t imagine anything feeling wrong when Rey is involved. 

“So we’re together then?” she asks and waits for him to nod. “Because that means we’re gonna have to tell your mom.” 

He definitely didn’t think that far, he realizes. “Fuck,” is what he says. “Fucking shit.” She looks like she agrees. 

“Yeah, that’s going to be one very awkward dinner.” 

He lets his head clunk against her wall with a sigh. Then he turns to look at her and smiles. He can’t not smile when he sees her. It’s a reflex at this point. “At least I know she already likes you. And my dad is going to _love_ you. If I’m not careful he’s going to steal you away. He’s very charming when he wants to be.”

Rey laughs, not realizing how serious he is. “I have it on good authority that I only want you. There’s absolutely no competition there.” Ben hadn’t fully let it sink in before now: He’s her first choice. Her number one. He doesn’t know the last time that he felt like someone’s priority. He hadn’t even been aware that that hole in his chest had needed filling before Rey just shoved her affection in there, no questions asked. No warning. He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. 

“Good. I’m just saying,” he whispers and closes his eyes. He’s starting to feel tired. Talking about serious things is exhausting, he thinks. 

He can hear Rey move around a little, and then there’s quiet music coming from the direction of her laptop. It takes him a second to realize it’s Elton John. He feels a stupid smile taking over his face. [It's the cheesiest song he knows](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6KYAVn8ons), but it feels so _right_. 

Just to make her laugh, he starts swaying to the music, eyes still closed. He even snaps his fingers once or twice. When he knows the part is coming, he opens his eyes again and looks straight at Rey as they hear

_But more than ever, I simply love you  
More than I love life itself_

The way she’s looking at him now feels dangerous. He wants to repeat it, wants to say the words so badly, wants to just blurt it out, but he knows it’s too soon, too much. And he’s trying so hard not to be too much. So he doesn’t say anything, just pulls her closer. She kisses him and it feels like a confirmation. Maybe he can really have this, he thinks. 

Rey moves her mouth over to his ear. She takes a deep breath, then she whispers, “Is is too soon?” 

And Ben’s just-

He doesn’t always know how to deal with all this. So he does what he knows best, he kisses her again. Then he shakes his head. “No.” His heart is beating so fast. He’s sure she must be able to heart it, too. 

Rey smiles, looking shier than he would have thought possible. “Good.” She moves her hands so that she’s holding his face and, looking straight into his eyes, she says, “Because I really want to tell you that I love you.” 

Ben can’t fucking believe his luck. He feels like he has to be dreaming. The song in the background changes to [I'm Still Standing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s) and he grins. It’s a miracle his chest hasn’t exploded from all his emotions yet, so it feels appropriate. Despite the odds, he’s still standing.

“I love you, too.” He laughs. “Maybe it _is_ too soon, it feels kind of ridiculous to say it already. But I really don’t care.” 

She nods in agreement. Then, quickly, she pushes off her blanket and gets up from the bed. “I didn’t want to ruin our moment there, but I have to pee real bad. So hold that thought.” She rushes out of the room, frantically. 

When she’s out of sight, Ben lets himself sink down until his face is smushed into her pillow. He’s a grown man, but he’s never felt less so. The teenage boy inside his mind is quaking. He’s got the girl. Ben closes his eyes. He promises himself that, as long as she lets him, he’s not going to let her go.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo here’s part 2? Yay? Idk I planned to make this as a smutty sequel to the first one, but then I got a UTI because my body hates me (no this is not a self-insert, I refuse to drink cranberry juice even if it had proven magical powers, so this Rey and I are _not_ the same) and even just thinking sexy thoughts felt like it was making everything worse. (Like Rey, however, I am a UTI veteran so it went away p quickly !!) So instead this turned into the fluffiest, gentlest thing I have ever written. Sorry? I think you can all imagine them having hot and steamy sex once her UTI is gone, so.. yeah.
> 
> **Tell me what you think !!**


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